Saturday, March 22, 2008

Now tell me how you really feel

I'm depressed.
There, I said it.
I feel like I've hit a wall, with almost everything I can conceivably think of.
This is kind of coming to a head right now because I'm getting sick again. For the fifth time since New Year's, fifth time in three and a half months. I don't know if I can handle this again. Nevertheless, I went to bed with a scratchy throat last night and woke up feeling worse, with a 99.1 degree temp. And as I sit here in my very warm office, wearing a turtleneck sweater, I am feeling chills in that completely irrational way that tells you something is wrong. And I really need to close my eyes for a few minutes before I try to go home. It's like I'm functional, but this could go any way and I'm really hoping it won't be bad, that this is a blip.
I feel like I'd been doing everything right; I was drinking more juice and easing up on the soda a little. I was eating balanced meals and, while my lunch is always highly variable, I've been eating 100-calorie snacks and sandwiches. For a time, I was taking daily vitamins along with my allergy medication, but I had stomachache so I quit doing that, but I am very mindful of my vitamin C in particular. I've even tried to reduce my stress at least partly by letting some things go and getting more rest. I haven't been going out, and only on St. Pat's Day did I spend a little bit of time with some friends. I've even been washing my dishes more regularly.
What is happening to me? Why is my body so incapable of being well? It's so exhausting, and I haven't been able to do things I want to do because I always feel like I should be sleeping if I don't have work to do. And this last time I was really hopeful because the thing went away, it honestly did, for a few days, just a little drippy here and there, but I felt so much better. Why? Why? Why?
I don't even feel like I can make plans, which is very upsetting. I want to see my niece and I want to meet my goddaughter, but you can't go see a baby when you are unhealthy. I wasn't even sure I'd make it home during spring break because my folks were headed to see their granddaughter, and I didn't want to make them sick or carry what I had.
I'm tired, and it's so hard to find things to be happy about when so much doesn't seem to be going well. I'm tired and sick and sad and I just want so badly to be healthy and ready for the warm sunshine when it comes.
I guess what I am saying is that I'm not feeling well again, I don't know what's wrong with me, and I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers to get me properly healed.


Mrs. White said...

I'm sorry you're feeling lousy, Abby. Have you considered the mental health benefits of getting a new pet?

Stephanie King said...

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling ill again. I am praying for you!

For what it's worth, I think that getting a pet is a good idea. (Personally, I think a cat is the best option.) But, if you can't or don't want to own a pet, visiting the pet store always cheers me up.

Anonymous said...

What kind of vitamins were you taking? I found that One-A-Days made me feel blocked up and nauseous, so for the past few years I've been taking chewable Flintstones Complete. I think there's a bit less vitamin and mineral content so my innards keep flowing better, and the pre-chewing makes everything easier to dissolve and digest. And also my daily vitamin regimen is a fun blast from the past.

I hope you feel better and more predictable soon so we can see you!

Would you like Poe, if you decide to get a pet?? I will give him to you for FREE...


Carrie said...

My sister has a similar problem of constantly getting sick; it's been happening to her for multiple years now. She's recently found a new doctor who seems more willing to figure out the source of the problem. Maybe that could help you?

I'm also a big fan of Airborne- I take that whenever I feel something coming on. Maybe you're just more susceptible to all this nasty stuff, so period doses of super vitamins and minerals could help too.

Anyway, I feel for you. I know what a pain this can be!