I've been kind of on blog hiatus for a while. When you don't feel well all that often, blogging cheerily about the things you're doing with your life really doesn't seem that appealing. Project Runway's new season is coming up, though, so I guessed I'd better get back in it.
Christmas has come and gone; I had it with my family back at the Michigan homestead, and let me tell you how grateful I was that everyone traveled safely: Very. To be honest, I had a rough time. Everyone was very understanding, but I feel guilty about how grouchy and unsmiley I was the whole time, and how much I had to bail and lie down. I tried my best to spent some time with niece and nephew and to have some chats with my family members, but I didn't do a very good job. Not as good as I wanted to do. I'm so consumed with protecting my stomach, and no one gets the attention they deserve from me. That goes for my friends, too. I'm just not a very nice person to be around right now. I feel grateful for all the love in my life, though, and for the warmth of home.
I really didn't do much for New Year's. And by much, I mean, I didn't do anything. I don't think I even got dressed. I might not have left my house. What was the point? There wasn't any mail and I think it was snowing. On the 1st, I treated myself to a little tiny bit of champagne while I watched the Winter Classic (go home team!) and finished a puzzle. Then, I got down to business and I sorted the giant cavalcade of receipts, bills, and miscellany that was piling up in my catch-all basket from three or four years. This I did while watching 2010 and a Pushing Daisies episode or two (because I now own the 2nd season...PD, you were over too soon. I miss you.).
I did finish a quilt, which was good news since it's 6 months overdue. (I also hit up the JoAnn Fabrics clearhouse and spent an unholy amount of money on fabric for even more projects. Fabric I am out of room to store unless I get very, very creative. Or very busy.) I want to make a pair of pants now, but somehow, given my current vacillations in size, it doesn't seem the best plan. Actually, I'm never that good at making pants anyway so perhaps it doesn't matter.
Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the gastroenterologist. I am hoping for more answers, and for more help. I want to stop guessing and start living my life again. I want to be able to take off for a shopping trip or the zoo or whatever and not feel uncertain or nervous or queasy. I want to be able to go to a party and stay for a while and sample the food with abandon. I want to be able to teach three classes in a row without having to sit down and be quiet. I want to be able to invest myself in a full, sweaty dance workout. I want to be able to stay up past midnight and rouse myself to do more than sit around. I want to take advantage of opportunities and concerts and events. I want to be able to get excited about things.
I've been thinking, as one does at this time, about resolutions. I am not making any this year. I was doing a pretty good job with my life up to October, and my goal is just to get back to that place!